My baby, the youngest of four, turned 16.

He’s been my right-hand guy since he was little. Sharing his Lego builds, his Knex creations, his Minecraft worlds and server builds, his computer projects, his carpentry skills, his goat house construction, his bridge designs, and even his chess score climbs.

Watching him grow has been like seeing each piece fall perfectly into place, like bricks laid down one by one, slowly taking shape into something strong and impressive.

Every idea and every project he’s tackled has added to the framework, building up from a simple foundation to a remarkable structure that’s solid and full of purpose. Each project has been a glimpse into his unique mind and creativity—each a chapter in the story of who he’s becoming.

He’s taught me as much as I’ve taught him, maybe more.

I am endlessly proud of who he is and who he’s becoming, and I can’t wait to see the next build he dreams up, in life and beyond.

Who I was as a parent when his oldest sister was in my belly, to where I am now, when he’s the last kiddo at home, is so very different. How I wish the lessons I’ve learned through Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s book, The Awakened Family, would have bathed my mothering consciousness before I began this motherhood journey. Then I would have begun homeschooling as the awakened homeschool family.

Alas, we all begin where we begin, we must learn what we must learn, and we will learn these things at just the right time, when we most need to learn the lessons.

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The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali Tsabary focuses on transforming traditional parenting approaches into ones that foster deep personal growth for both parent and child.

It’ll be on my newly updated Homeschool Mama Reading List. You’ve heard me share that I wouldn’t recommend parenting gurus because I believe you need to trust your gut, trust your intuition. And that’s why I’d recommend this author. Because she helps you listen to your gut and to trust your intuition: everything you need to know about your child is staring back at you through in those blue eyes and 6’3 body with size 12 shoes.

I explore some of the Awakened Family’s most salient points, along with a few powerful quotes that capture its essence so you can enjoy the awakened homeschool family:

1. Homeschool Parenting is a Path to Self-Discovery

Tsabary reframes parenting as a journey of self-awareness rather than control over the child. Instead of fixing children’s behavior, she urges parents to confront their insecurities, expectations, and past wounds, creating space for genuine connection and understanding.

Because we spend our days alongside our children, we discover numerous opportunities to build self-awareness.

Sophia shared, “I think my big issue is managing the ugly emotions I feel when my kids disappoint me and yet I have to love them unconditionally. In the moment, I don’t because those ugly feelings are just so great.”

I responded, “Yes, Sophia. This discussion about Big Emotions can be such a complicated one for so many reasons.

1. When we weren’t affirmed in our early years to FEEL our feelings, we have a hard time listening to our kids’ feelings.

2. We feel disappointed by our kids because they trigger experiences/disappointments we’ve had with others long before them. Those triggers haven’t been rendered.

3. Those triggers just reveal the work we need to do now.

4. You couldn’t have done all the work before you were a parent. It is our human reality that we won’t have our big emotions and our internal challenges figured BEFORE we parent. Oh, how I wish that were so.

Sophia continued, “I am 100% in agreement, but your point #4 is not something I realized until recently. This is how it happens–not in some perfect (unrealistic) way–but in the trenches of raising our most precious people with a very incomplete set of beliefs and habits and unrealistic expectations. It’s rough but I’m growing and learning and moving along better every time I have a win. And when I don’t, I have to remember your points #1-4.”

2. Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

She emphasizes the harm in projecting unfulfilled ambitions onto children, highlighting the need for parents to accept their children as they are, without needing them to conform to a pre-set ideal.

There’s often a discussion about how to address unrealistic expectations as a homeschool mom. You’ve heard it. It goes like this…

Lower them. No lower them some. Now lower them even more.

Yes, indeed, that is how it feels we should approach our unrealistic expectations; however, I would suggest you do this instead:

Journal every day so you learn what your unrealistic expectations are.
Ask yourself why you expect them.
Consider assessing whether they are accomplishable or you have them for unhealthy reasons.
Talk it through with someone (you know you can book a conversation with me).
Create a gentle accountability structure to address them.

3. Mindful Connection Over Control

Dr. Tsabary advocates for a relationship-based approach to parenting, encouraging “being with” children rather than “doing to” them. This involves actively listening and responding to their needs in a supportive and non-judgmental way, rather than using authority to enforce behavior.

This is the reason why I don’t care for parenting books of my generation, because they trended to encouraging “doing to” children rather than “being with” approaches. And though I certainly ascribed to that parenting approach in my earlier days, I’ve learned that this parenting approach is a mirage. Every parent will, one day, discover that their children didn’t change their minds, approaches, or behaviours, because we baited them with a carrot or a stick. (Though shame will compel some kids to run underground, becoming compliant, less themselves, and more people-pleasing, but certainly other kids won’t).

Our goal is to actively listen to their hearts and try to understand = the awakened homeschool family.

4. Breaking Generational Patterns

Parents are encouraged to examine their upbringing to avoid repeating patterns that negatively impact their children. Recognizing and breaking these cycles can open the door to healthier, more compassionate family dynamics.

I’ll refer you to the following books (podcast episodes) to learn more on how to do this. Also, join me for coaching and you’ll learn how I did this.

5. Empowering Children to Become Their True Selves

Instead of enforcing strict rules or molding children to fit social expectations, Tsabary calls for allowing children to grow into their authentic selves, fostering independence, resilience, and confidence.

Homeschool teens growing up.

Renata messaged me, “We have a son who is a sophomore in college and who lives with us, a 17-year-old son who will be a senior in high school, an almost 15-year-old daughter who will be a high school freshman, and a 10-year-old boy who will be in the 5th grade.

I came across your book (which is in my reading stack) and blog/podcast this past year when I really started to feel overwhelmed. The truths and encouragement you bring are so enlightening and have helped me feel like I’m not alone.

And it can be quite lonely when it seems there aren’t those around who understand or can give advice to help you navigate the changing seasons of homeschooling. Most of my homeschooling friends stopped homeschooling in high school. I feel like we’ve exited the “golden years” of homeschooling…those sweet times of lots of smiling faces and a willingness to go along with things and a wonder about them. With our almost 15-year-old only daughter, I tend to get a good amount of resistance and she doesn’t always have the best attitude towards school work and helping out around the house.

Asking her to do things sometimes feels like I’m asking the world of her. Some days she is amazing to be around, other days it feels quite the opposite. She has big emotions…very much like her mother.”

I helped Renata uncover her deeper motivations and relational dynamics, empowering her with clearer boundaries, renewed motivation, and a joyful perspective as she navigated her homeschool family relationships with her teen and young adult children.

Renata shared this after working with me, “Teresa helped me see the roots behind the surface-level issues.

The coaching program was the impetus to help me think more deeply about my homeschool and relational ‘whys’ to get to a place to see where change needed to be made.

Teresa gave me a safe place to speak my heart and her responses helped me feel empowered for this next chapter in our homeschool journey and the evolving chapter of the relationships with our teen and young adult children.

I now have infinitely better boundaries with our teenage daughter and I no longer feel like our relationship hangs by a thin thread. I feel much more motivated in my homeschool days and have made some major shifts that have restored the joy in our homeschool. I’m also learning to lean into the new season with older children and embrace the joy found in the present, rather than pining for the past.”

Book a no-obligation conversation with Teresa to learn more about coaching opportunities

Teresa Wiedrick, Homeschool Life Coach, Podcast Episode: the Awakened Homeschool Family

6. If you want your children to be free, you must first be free.

To raise secure, independent children, parents must first confront and release their limitations and insecurities.

For me, this is why I wasn’t able to begin my mothering journey confidently listening, observing, and understanding my children. Because I wasn’t confidently listening, observing, and understanding myself.

There is no formulaic path to this for you, or for me back in the days.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

I was just trying to do the best with what I had. But only after many iterations of living into my own freedom story, recognizing who I was and who I wasn’t, understanding how I wanted to intentionally show up for others, and what I expected of others in how they showed up for me, I couldn’t confidently listen, observe, understand my kids either.

I had to begin with me.

7. When we fixate on the outcome, we lose sight of the essence of our children and the journey we are on together.

A reminder to be present and not to overemphasize accomplishments or outcomes, which can create pressure and lead to disconnection in parent-child relationships.

They’re not done at 18. They’ll always be growing and becoming. And so will I. This motherhood journey doesn’t end either.

We were placed in each others’ lives to be on a journey together.

8. Core principle of the awakened homeschool family: our children are not ours to control; they are independent souls on their journey.

This highlights the notion that children, though in our care, are individuals with their stories, and that honoring this individuality helps them flourish.

Riley shared this with me, “I think my need for perfection is rooted in not wanting to cause my children any pain, and wanting them to be supported to be their best selves. I have good intentions, “if I do everything the right way, they’ll be okay”. But it’s a never-ending, maddening experience to constantly be searching, researching and carrying out “the right way of doing things”. I end up deflated because I “couldn’t get it right”, and that it will lead to some detrimental thing for my kids. I’m sure this partly has to do with the fact that I had a lot of emotional pain as a child and no one was able to help me understand it and process it, likely due to their pain and issues.

Logically, I know there is no way to prevent pain and sadness in my children’s lives, but that drive to try anyway stems from my experience.

Becoming aware of that helps to ease the need to perfect, but it’s a constant practice.

What I have done, that’s not perfect by any means, but I think probably what I needed, which I believe all kids need, is to give my kids my time and my presence. That eyeball time you refer to, to see and hear them and help them identify their feelings. I’m always observing the way they’re evolving and try to stick with that at the end of the day. But it’s still challenging!”

We often strive to protect our children from pain, hoping to ensure their well-being by doing everything “right,” but this approach can lead us into cycles of self-doubt and perfectionism, especially when rooted in our unresolved experiences. Riley’s journey reflects this struggle, showing that true support comes not from controlling every outcome but from being present and engaged in our children’s lives. By giving them our time and attention — that “eyeball time” where we truly see and hear them — we help them process emotions and grow into their unique selves.

9. The awakened homeschool family acknowledges that our children are our spiritual partners helping us to grow ourselves up as much as we are helping them grow.

As we guide and nurture our children, we are transformed by the insights and challenges we face together. This applies to our relationships with partners too. In partnership, there’s a commitment to walk alongside one another, learning through struggles and connection.

a family picture of the awakened homeschool family

10. By staying present and attentive to our inner reactions, we make space for deeper, more meaningful connection with our children.

Here are some simple, intentional ways we can truly savor and connect with our kids:

Set aside a short daily or weekly “date” with each child to connect without distractions.
Incorporate meaningful routines, like morning snuggles, reading aloud after lunch, or sharing gratitude before bed.
Take a few minutes daily to simply watch your child without interrupting or directing.
Look for little ways to acknowledge achievements and creativities.
Try to avoid doing chores or checking your phone when you’re interacting with your child.
Do something both you and your child enjoy to make shared memories around common interests.

There is nothing more meaningful than to soak up the moments with our children.

The Gift

“May you be blessed with a child . . .

Who defies you
So you learn to release control,
With one who doesn’t listen
So you learn to tune in,
With one who loves to procrastinate
So you learn the beauty of stillness,
With one who forgets things
So you learn to let go of attachments,
With one who is extra-sensitive
So you learn to be grounded,
With one who is inattentive
So you learn to be focused,
With one who dares to rebel
So you learn to think outside the box,
With one who feels afraid
So you learn to trust the universe.

May you be blessed with a child . . .
Who teaches you
that it is never about them

And all about you.”

Final Thoughts on the Awakened Homeschool Family

I’ve learned that the most meaningful moments often come when we listen to what our family truly needs. When we let go of unrealistic expectations, we open up space for joy, connection, and the chance to grow alongside our kids—something I know we all truly need.

Reimagine your Homeschool Workbook

Introducing the Reimagine Your Homeschool Workbook! Reflect on the past year, assess what worked and what didn’t, and build the homeschool you truly want. Evaluate curriculum, routine, philosophy, and plan for the future. Get renewed inspiration and fresh ideas.

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Teresa Wiedrick

I help overwhelmed homeschool mamas shed what’s not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.

Book a no-obligation conversation with Teresa

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Call to Adventure by Kevin MacLeod
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